 Sunshine never judge me i have my rights to discrimninate to hate to love
what you see
buy my time 25thDec.x'mas whopee! 31stDec.NEW YEAR'S EVE chatter sing sing sing
over & done April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 their stories Dan @ wordpress Hamd @ blogspot Ner @ blogspot Sew @ wordpress Kak Seri @ blogspot Kak Sal @ diaryland Rand @ blogspot Wallace @ blogspot Jess @ blogspot Kak Has @ mutiply credits skin by: Jane |
Sunday, February 03, 2008 @ 6:34 PM
just as i thought my life could be cleaned up nicely.. i thought wrong... just as i thought i have a clear path of my future.. i thought wrong.. just as i thought there's hope left.... i thought wrong i thought wrong.. i thought wrong.. i thought wrong... im sick im pathetic im clueless im vulnerable im indecisive im weak im sick sick sick sick sick sick sick so sick that i just.... oh god.. i just dont want to say anymore.... I don't know how long i could lie to myself and convinced that everything shall be okay when me myself.... don't know what to do ahead... i convinced myself..my family and friends of what is to expect in the coming year of 2008... but.. im so afraid that what i belived and made other to believed will turn out nicely... im starting on the 20's already.. and i am so messy.. what are my goal?.. what shall i achieve?.. what am i to do after this or that.. what about my savings?... what about my own personal life?.. my relationship with my parents?... how am i going to take care of myself?... is this call a mid life crisis?.. i doubt so.. 20 is still young for that isnt it?... and yes.. it seems that im no longer strong enough to handle my own tears... i so patheticly need a shoulder to cry on... am i so dependent on others?... can i survive standing up on my own 2 feet? help... dont turn your cheek away from this cry.. because i bottled all of my tears after all that misery from the break up.. with the parents&work&my own demons issue..hurt my lungs after being able to cry really hard... no im not depressed.. im just a messed up girl... a girl who is damn clueless always freaking out.. im still sane.. a nervous breakdown thats all.. still.. not depression.. i swear... i just need to slowly & patiently & confidently clean up myself well surely 2008 isnt my year at all... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I met Jay Chou today..Yes.. the one and only Jay Chou, Zhou Jie Lun.. the singer,actor,director,composer & my soul saviour... Went to the airport to welcomed him with the fanclub... my first experience ever.. and then.. i got picked to go down to attend the press conference at the Grand Intercontinental Hotel Ballroom.. which was pretty good... although i barely understand what they were saying when they had the question&answer session.. I couldnt catch my breathe when he walked infront of him... i never imagined being that close of a contact.. we had a group photo with him.. even after having him to walk infront of me like 4 times today.. i still couldnt catch my breathe... i was like in my own world.... and my friends were like 'Earth to Fiza'!! I clearly realise now is that i only admire him as a musician.. period.. as a person.. not so much.. his personality isnt that great really.. Guys who are that mysterious can be such a turn off sometimes.. But then again.. Even meeting up with Jay today.. which was on my list of 'Things to Do Before I Die'..didn't cheer me up.. |
